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Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
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Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
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People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
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I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
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Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
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Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
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There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you\'ll be afraid to cough.
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Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
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All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
A hen is only an egg痴 way of making another egg.
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
I\'m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
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Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man\'s nose begins.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
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If you are going through hell, keep going.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
A hen is only an egg?s way of making another egg.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
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Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
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Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I\'m going to miss mine by just a few days.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
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You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Smith & Wesson ? the original point and click interface.
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
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I\'m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let\'s start with typewriters.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
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Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/28/(Sat) 06:01
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